Having “The Talk”… (About IT Security) with Greater Generations

The author with his late grandparents

Do you remember having “The Talk” with your parents?  The one where you learned about the Birds and Bees?  Also that somehow the stork was not actually a critical player in those activities?  Was it educational, or awkward, or both?

For many of us, I’m sure it was a mix of both.  However, as I’ve grown, I’ve begun to realize that as awkward it may have been for me, it was just as painful for my parents.  Somehow, we got through a few of those discussions over the years.  I don’t exactly look forward to the time I have to have that talk with my son.

The important thing to realize is that sometimes these types conversations must happen, and they can be difficult.  (Captain Obvious says “You’re Welcome”).  Here in the twenty-first century, we’re going to have to broach conversations around IT security, scams, fraud, etc, with our older family and friends.  While I cannot directly compare IT security talks with sexual education talks, there are some emotional correlations:

• Annoyance – The conversation may be around things that are ‘common knowledge’, and have been preached since the dawn of the internet.  You may have to talk from a vantage point where the recipient doesn’t see you as an expert in that area.
• Embarrassment – You may bring up discussion points that are very close to home, but have not been fully admitted.  They may have fallen victim to a scam, or be a part of an online relationship, etc, and may not be ready to disclose their full activities.
• Fear – They may be afraid of what they don’t know, or afraid of what that may mean for their livelihood, sense of independence, etc.
• Distance – You may not have as many regular interactions as you would like, and you’d like to talk about a subject that potentially could get personal.

When I was doing some research on this post, I found several articles about various fraud and scam tactics that affect older generations.  We’ll discuss those in a future post.  What I didn’t see was how to even start a conversation.  In fact, some sources basically had demeaning suggestions such as “Use small words”, “Use short sentances”, “Avoid techie words”, etc.

While those are perhaps accurate, they really don’t give much guidance into how to approach some of these difficult conversations in the first place.  However, when I expanded my search beyond IT security, I did come across a wealth of information.  (I love the Internet!)

I found some very excellent information from an organization called BeyondBlue, who helps individuals deal with anxiety and depression.  While those topics are generally outside the scope of this blog, we all know that talking about online scams and social media can cause anxiety and depression.  I thought that BeyondBlue had some excellent tips on how to have some of those difficult conversations with older individuals:

1. Recognize that it is sometimes hard to talk
   As discussed above, it is important to simply recognize it is hard to talk about difficult subjects at times.  What makes IT and technology especially difficult is that it covers the spectrum of Candy Crush to deeply personal online relationships (not to mention Google search history).  It is important to emphasize with the person you’re trying to talk to.  Think about it:  How much of your ‘online presence’ would you like to share?
2. Prepare for “the talk”
   Someone said there’s a time and place for everything.  While this is a overly generic anecdote, it does ring true on this subject.  Also, be cognizant that the ‘most ideal’ time for you might not be the ‘most ideal’ time in general.  Think about the privacy of the other individual, as well as the venue.  Also think about other conversations you’ve had in the past with this person, which may guide how to approach it.Here’s another tip I thought was interesting:  Think about your own thoughts and feelings.  If you find yourself starting to feel frustrated, or you play out the conversation in your head and begin to get angry, it may not be the correct time to have a conversation.
3. Raising concerns and issues
   When you’re talking to the older individual, it is important to express that you care for them and their well being.  However, be sure to be direct in the particular items you want to discuss.  You don’t want to have a long preamble about safety and security if they think you’re concerned about their CandyCrush usage.  Plan your particular talking points ahead of time and be direct, but be sure to ask plenty of questions to help them feel engaged.  After all, it’s a discussion, not a lecture, right?Also, be prepared for a variety of reactions.  It is very unlikely the conversation will go as you’ve planned it exactly in your head.  A feeling of reluctance, or being overwhelmed may be expected.   However, continue to remain supportive.
4. Try to understand
   When you spend time asking questions, you can learn so much.  While you want to ensure that you do cover the items you’ve planned, try to understand that they may not be at the same technical level as you.  Or, they may absolutely be at the same technical level, so be prepared to be understanding of their position.Also, ensure you maintain and show respect.  The best way to teach is to be supportive and helpful.  Most of us don’t learn well being talked down to.  Understand these individuals are the exact same.
5. Offer tangible steps
   IT, at it’s lowest level, is “zeroes” and “ones”.  (For the sake of brevity I’ll leave current exploration into quantum phenomena for a future post 🙂 )  However, it is very easy to make sweeping generalizations or grandiose claims.  It is also common to have generic suggestions that are valid at a high level, but not actually useful (or not clear how to accomplish) when brought down to a lower level.While you may want to recommend a multi-step “do this and everything will be fine” plan, try to shorten action items down to two or three manageable steps.  Sending a LMGTFY link isn’t largely useful.
6. Be supportive beyond the conversation
   I know many of us may be scared to become ‘tech support’ for our friends and family.  It is certainly good to think about some boundaries.  However, it is important to understand that if you want to truly help, you may have to have several conversations.  If you embrace this, you can help cause real impact to that person.
7. Encourage additional help
   There may be times where the help you provide is not sufficient.  Perhaps other members of your family and community must assist.  Or, perhaps the person needs professional help from law enforcement or their financial planner, a lawyer, etc.  If you feel like you are beginning to go out of your element, be comfortable involving other professionals who can help.

If I had one additional comment on this topic, it is this:  You are not alone!  This is a situation that will be ever present in our lives, likely for the foreseeable future.  Talk to your friends, colleagues, family, etc.  The more you can plan and prepare for difficult conversations, the better you can assist those who truly need some help.

#StaySafe

#StayVigilant

#LookOutForEachOther

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